Here are some situations and what you can do to get your power and respect back:
1) Situation #1: A guy walks up to you, asks your name and phone number but you don't want to give it.
What you can do is tell the truth. I'm sorry, I can't give you my number and just smile. You don't have to explain. Don't worry if you offend the guy. Don't worry about what other people might think of you. If they tell you you're a bitch, let them. Don't be affected. You don't have to prove yourself to them or to anyone. Always remember that what's important is you didn't do something you were being pressured or forced to do just because you care about what they feel. What about what you feel? You will feel a lot worse if you did give your number because then you will have to keep lying to avoid speaking or granting their invitations. Or worse, you do grant their invitation, only to hate yourself when youget home. Remember, grant yourself what you want instead of granting a stranger what they want.
2) Situation #2: A boss or client wants to go out with you in exchange of potential business.
Again, tell the truth at the first sign of an advance from him. You can say, "I'm sorry sir, I don't mean to offend you, or maybe it's just my imagination but I would appreciate it if you stopped the flirtatious jokes or references to anything other than business. I am deeply sorry if I am mistaken. I hope you understand." You don't have to bear these situations or put up with it. If your job requires you to flirt with men you don't want to, then maybe it's time to get another job if you value your morals more than your salary. You can also speak to your superior about it and ask themto handle the particular client. I know real estate agents and flight attendants encounter this scenario A LOT.
3) Situation #3: You are a young female boss, and in our country, even male subordinates don't respect female bosses as much as they respect the male bosses. Sometimes, and I have encountered this myself with a previous driver, they seem to not treat you with any respect at all and seem rather complacent if the boss is a young lady.
Let me tell you a story. I hired a driver from a province. After a meeting with the complete staff, including the driver, the driver honked at me with the whole staff watching. I immediately motioned for the driver to stop. I went up to him and said, "I may be nice, I may be younger than you, and I may be female, but I am still YOUR BOSS. Do not honk at me again." The key to not being treated like crap in this male ego dominated society is to not let them. I did not care how the driver may have been embarassed or how he might have felt. He committed some disrespect and should be reprimanded for it.
4) Situation #4: You are good at your job, but occassionally need consult for things that are outside your mental/job scope and the person you sought consult with totally treats you like a little girl whom he can play around with and makes advances.
This could happen to anyone. If you're an engineer, you might know squat about literature but you suddenlly need it for a project your boss assigned to you. So you seek help from a literature professor. He offers to help you with minimal fees and some perks like free access to his library or other perks. But when he talks to you, his colleagues and him would throw flirtatious or harassing statements at you. Now you need this professor and his colleagues to guide you throughout the year-long project. It's simple. Gain back the respect they took away from you the moment you came to them by teling them. This statement may be harsh but it's direct to the point. "Listen Mr. Professor and colleagues, I would rather you didn't give me any perks or discount for your services, than having to listen to the remarks you indirectly or directly throw at me." Men of course would say you are in over your head and it's just your imagination and they will keep denying it no matter what evidence you present. So you can follow up their denial by saying "It's fine if you don't want to acknowledge what you've been doing. I've presented the awkwardness that I've been feeling, whether or not it's my imagination, at least you'll know in the future that I don't appreciate comments like that. I would prefer if we kept things professional. Thank you very much for understanding and I sincerely appreciate your assisstance. Let's get back to work." You can tone it down but not too much or these hard-headed men won't get the message. I'm sure in their heads they will hate you for bruising their ego, but they will help you anyway because if they refuse that only proves they were guilty.
5) Situation #5: Your believe your co-worker, boss, or even classmate sexually harrassed you, touched you, or said some harassing statements to you like "nice butt", "nice boobs", or "i'd like to get you in bed", or other statements similar to those.
Girls, these ARE NOT COMPLEMENTS! I know some girls who are actually happy when they hear something like that. Wake up. Those statements degrade you. Men feel they can just say that to you because they don't respect you. They think of you as something less than what they are. You don't hear them saying that to the president Mrs. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo do you? And they never will because she is still a symbol of power and should be respected. They will never say that to Mother Theresa, Oprah, and other respectable women. When you hear something like that, report it.
Sexual harassment takes many forms. Basically, it is ANY unwelcome attention of a sexual nature directed to you. Here is the definition from wikipedia: "Sexual harassment is unwelcome attention of a sexual nature and is a form of legal and social harassment. It includes a range of behavior from seemingly mild transgressions and annoyances to actual sexual abuse or sexual assault. (Dziech et al 1990, Boland 2002) Sexual harassment is considered a form of illegal discrimination in many countries, and is a form of abuse (sexual and psychological) and bullying." Simply touching you on ANY part of your body, even your shoulder, is sexual harassment. Seek a lawyer. You are eligible to claim a substantial amount of mone because of the damages inflicted on you. Comments on your semi private and private body parts are also sexual harassment. If you feel uncomfotable about an act or comment, you are probably being sexually harasses and don't even know it.
In the Philippines we do not have clear laws regarding sexual harassment. I think it includes the touching part, but not verbal harassment. Go on and report it anyway. To the management and to the law giving and law implementing bodies. Otherwise, how will these laws be created if there is no one reporting it? Silence means the problem doesn't exist. If the problem doesn't exist, why would there be a law created to combat something that doesn't exist. Speak up. You are the key to our own power and respectability. Worry about your job after you have proven your worth. There are millions of jobs out there. That is a shallow reason to let yourself be degraded. It's just a job. There are others. There is only one you.
The article in blue font below is from
http://www.newyorksexualharassmentattorneys.com/Compare it to the Philippines' actions against sexual harassment. Sure puts Philippines' efforts to shame.
SEXUAL HARASSMENT
"Have you been sexually harassed in your workplace? Did you know that you can be entitled to recover substantial money damages because of the wrongful sexual conduct of a supervisor or other persons in your organization? Sexual harassment continues to be one of the most pernicious forms of employment discrimination. Both federal and state governments have provided a substantial remedy to you if you have been subjected to such abuse. The New York sexual harassment attorneys at Samuelson, Hause, & Samuelson will take every step necessary to maximize your award. The claim of sexual harassment can take two forms. The first is that you have been subjected to a hostile environment because of conduct exhibited by your colleagues or supervisors to such an extent that it creates an abusive working environment. You need not prove an economic loss, such as failure to secure pay raises, to be successful. The New York courts have held that the test for a sexual harassment claim is whether the sexual conduct was unwelcome by you. The fact that you were forced to engage in a sexual activity of course would be considered unwelcome, but there are other instances when you have participated willingly, for perhaps fear of reprisal, that nevertheless will be considered unwelcome and permit you to seek money damages. The second form of sexual harassment is known as "quid pro quo," which requires an economic loss to be occasioned before your complaint can succeed. These losses may include firing, a failure to receive a raise or promotion, or other direct loss of remuneration in the work place. Once a hostile environment is alleged, no economic loss is necessary. Additionally, in order to succeed, it is unnecessary to prove that you have been psychologically damaged by such conduct. All that is necessary is that you have perceived your workplace to be hostile and/or abusive. Recent court decisions have made it far easier to achieve success in the courtroom. "
6) Situation #6: You are a model/celebrity or pageant contestant and feel like you are being looked down on or exploited.
Go to your manager or the person in charged of you and together, speak to the people in charged of the current project you are involved in and explain the situation. Kindly tell them it mkes you unomforable. If they tell you to stop being sensitive, let go of the project. Not every opportunity is worth it. Not every opportunity is good for you.
In the US, victims always speak up and seek justice, that is why sexual harassment is becoming a thing of the past.
Also, when a guy shows you his privates, that is sexual harassment. There are so many forms of sexual harassment it's difficult to place exact parameters definition to it. Don't believe me? Go to youtube and search for sexual harassment. I came across a video where a wman was sitting on the bus wearing closed toe shoes. The guy beside her starts filming her toes and rfers to it as "toe cleavage." Read the comments. You'll see the reality that guys are turned on by everything and anything. I didn't even know there was such a thing as toe cleavage.To some, the situations I discussed may seem obvious; but to some, especially young girls, this can affect their future and the self-worth they have for themselves and project to a world dominated by men. They want females to be subservient to them and have countess tactics to make sure we stay subservient.
The above are just some sample scenarios. The male Ego is a nightmare in this world. It is because of this ego that they feel the need to be above you, put you down so they feel better about themselves, and have all sorts of defense mechanisms like bragging about themselves to their friends, making you feel small, or preserving their self worth through denial. We females should be aware of these egotistical males. Some guys may not have such a big ego but a lot do.
Guys will sometimes try putting the blame on you saying "Beauty is a curse" or "You dress so provocatively, I thought you wanted me to come onto you." They can have a mountain of reasons to put the blame ON WOMEN. None of these excuses are valid. NONE. It's not a woman's fault if she is beautiful. It's not a woman's fault if she has a good body. A woman doesn't get to choose her own genes. BUT IT IS A MAN'S FAULT IF THEY EXPRESS ADMIRATION IN A DISRESPECTFUL WAY. It is their fault because it is something they choose to do or say that is directed to a person. There are other ways to express admiration like giving a perfectly respectful compliment or men can always choose to keep their mouths shut and keep the conversation professional.
If at anytime you feel heavy like there's an uncomfortable weight in any situation you are facing, then that's a sign to just run from it. Get away. If you're not comfortable at all or happy, then it's probably not for you.
Please note that I am not criticizing men in general. I am simply pointing out that men like in the situations above DO ineed exist and ladies should be aware. Guys, pass this message onto the females in your lives. Who knows, the information here may protect them from situations similar to those I mentioned. I do not mean to offend, only to protect and preserve.
It's a sick world out there so take a stand in protecting yourself. Noone will care more about you than you.
Note: Here is a link for a complete reference to sexual harassment according to Philippine laws. I can't say it's complete enough, but it covers the worst case scenarios. In my opinion, it was probably made so simple and so lacking because our country's politicians themselves are the greatest practitioners of harassment. I wouldn't be surprised if they made this "Act" just to comply with international law requirements. The penalty is so cheap (P10,000 to P20,000) and it doesn't cover verbal and social sexual harassment. It also hasn't been updated since it was made.
This post is even longer than the provisions in the "Act." Oh well, I'll stop criticizing our law makers and give you the link:
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